Life is ______

The man behind me at Starbucks is confidently pitching his new social media product to a man with a much more serious haircut. It’s a combination of Twitter, Foursquare and Facebook, he explains, and it will enable you to tell all your friends that you’re watching Gossip Girl, and where you’re watching Gossip Girl, and then will tell you—and your network—how many people are watching it at the same time. And then they can ask questions! Its primary function is to connect, he says.

“It’s much easier than Twitter,” he tells the other man. I can’t see him, because I’m on a highchair, facing out the window, but I eagerly follow his speech. An iPad is propped up comfortably in front of him and a skateboard rests just inches from his sneakers.

Directly out the window is a magazine stand, and next to it a storage bin that displays two taped-up copies of weeks-old New York Magazine cover. It’s the “Life is Tweet” one. As the man continues, discussing “the beginning of something very very interesting,” I wonder why he’d choose such an uncool Starbucks at which to meet this possible investor. I feel both compassion and disdain for him—it must be so hard to shill for your baby, but couldn’t you have come up with something less derivative? My eyes roll but almost feel bad about it. Who am I to tell if it’s crap or the next big thing? I marvel at the talent of those who can, in fact, tell.

The distance between him and the magazine cover can’t be more than fifteen feet. But oh how much larger the metaphorical distance looks from here! Once they finish, they shake hands, I assume, and it sounds like the blonde entrepreneur came wearing his charm scent.

“I’ll talk it over and call you,” says the one with the power.

“Great. Just promise me you haven’t checked into Foursquare,” says the blonde, skateboard and iPad in hand.